Elida
Zhulati
Photos by Adnan Beci, reporting by Briseida Mema and Camille Bouissou
Sonore 1
I was that “don’t‑touch‑the‑flower” girl in the family because I was the first child. Even though in Albania — and especially in Gjirokastër, I think — people expect the first child to be a boy.
I was a girl, against the wishes of the elders. And I was the kind of girl who wasn’t allowed to get dirty, except as much as was necessary for a bath or a shower. I wanted to play, but I never really got to.
Sonore 2
Until my brother was born, I lived very well. I was their whole world — everything revolved around me.
Then I realised I was no longer the centre, that they didn’t love me the same way anymore, because a boy had entered their lives.
Sometimes, even when I wasn’t really sick, I pretended to be sick. Because I wanted their attention.
Sonore 3
I know I gained my freedom when I got married.
Sonore 4
It’s been forty‑one years since I got married, and he has never once said “I love you” to me — not even today.
And somehow, that always felt natural.
I mean “I love you” the way we hear it today — “I love you so much,” and all that. Maybe if he had said it, he wouldn’t have stayed with me for so long.
But anyway, that’s when I gained my freedom.
I became a housewife. I became a lady, walking at someone’s side.
Sonore 5
And yet, on the other hand, there is this empty house.
My house without voices.
My house without arguments.
My house without debates.
My house, where no one asks me to make a specific dish anymore.
Yes, I give a lot to others, but I can’t fulfil myself through others.
And by “others,” I mean my own children.
Sonore 6
Look at us, for example.
I have the courage, I have the audacity — even though I don’t have a job — to come to the shop every day. Because I need to have my coffee with Brisi. I need conversation. I need that little gossip women share. I need advice. I need someone to tell me what I could cook tomorrow.
My husband, on the other hand, if there’s nothing he needs to buy at the farmers’ market, he doesn’t leave the house.
Sonore 7
First of all, it starts with respect for yourself and with inner strength.
If you love yourself, you can’t become a victim — not of despair, not of weakness, not of what others make of you.
It’s very simple. Look at yourself in the mirror every morning. Even if you don’t like anything you see, say: “I am very beautiful.”
If you say it ten times — “I am very beautiful, I am very beautiful, I am very beautiful…” — a little bit of it stays inside you.
If you think you’re ugly, don’t wait for someone else to tell you that you are beautiful.
Sonore 8
Today, we say the word “freedom” as if it were something simple, without thinking about how much it was missing back then.
At work, you were controlled.
At school, you were controlled.
At home, every movement was controlled, because of that excessive supervision we talked about earlier.
Then you went to work — controlled.
You left work and went back home — controlled again.
Because inside the family, there was this small regime: the father‑in‑law, the mother‑in‑law, the husband.
It was a form of control that never really ended.
Sonore 9
Even today, we can’t truly say that women have gained freedom. There is still pressure — especially on women’s bodies.
There is pressure.
But young girls today are educating themselves — about equal rights.
On paper, people say, “Yes, I have equal rights." But no, I don’t.
Because if I don’t turn on the washing machine, those clothes won’t get washed. Will they? No.
So if we really have equal rights, then you turn it on too, dear husband.
And then I’ll sit down and rest for a bit.
I’m talking about what happens inside the family unit.
Sonore 10
These girls are educating themselves to be equal.
But I say that economic dependence makes you dependent on everything — including your own freedom.
Young women today have that freedom. They are economically independent.
I have my salary, my job.
You have your salary, your job.
Your expenses, my expenses.
And yet today, as we speak, what I earn goes into the household wallet, and my husband’s pension goes into the same household wallet.
So tell me — am I really free to take that money and go on a trip?
We take turns.
My name is Elida Zhulati, but in this stone city, so beautiful in its grandeur, they simply call me Eli. I am 60 years old and I am a traditional embroiderer. The art of giving life to the most beautiful colors of existence is the passion and the sunshine of my work.
Seeing women and men, girls and boys choosing to wear my costumes at celebrations, at weddings… it is a pleasure and a boundless source of pride.
I too feel more beautiful, happier when I see them adorned in these colors that burst forth like life itself; dressed in light and threads of gold, like the hope with which we should also clothe our dreams.
A woman is also a mother who brings life into the world, who gives her strength to the world. Today, I am a grandmother, and it is a great joy.
And I wipe away the tears that fall when I think of my children now far away, with the fabrics and the friendship that the people of this city give me.
With art, you wipe away tears, you soothe longing, you lift up dreams, you change the world.
And this work, this art of bringing tradition back to life, makes me proud. In my workshop, every day is a new day.
Yes, I am proud: after every fall and every hardship, I got back up stronger to move forward
"I was that 'don’t‑touch‑the‑flower' girl in the family because I was the first child. Even though in Albania — and especially in Gjirokastër, I think — people expect the first child to be a boy."
"First of all, it starts with respect for yourself and with inner strength. If you love yourself, you can’t become a victim — not of despair, not of weakness, not of what others make of you."
"Today, we say the word «freedom» as if it were something simple, without thinking about how much it was missing back then. At work, you were controlled. At school, you were controlled. At home, every movement was controlled."
"Even today, we can’t truly say that women have gained freedom. There is still pressure — especially on women’s bodies. There is pressure. But young girls today are educating themselves"
"But I say that economic dependence makes you dependent on everything — including your own freedom."
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